Ok so it didn't just happen. It happened yesterday morning, but I haven't had a lot of time.
Phil usually makes pancakes for the kids and himself on Sunday mornings. I dislike pancakes with a passion. I prefer waffles, cause they aren't so mushy. So I usually eat my dry Special K.
Yesterday Phil decided that maybe waffles would be ok instead of pancakes, and he set out making them.
I'm kind of a busy body. I don't like him messing around in my kitchen. I don't like that he doesn't even try to keep things tidy. It's a mess. So I tend to hover. I clean up little things. I'm constantly putting away the potholders. I'm regularly throwing dirty utensils in the sink. I'm kind of a PITA.
He got a little snippy and told me to go sit down and leave him alone.
FINE. Douchecanoe.
So I'm trying really hard not to hover. REALLY HARD.
It takes him a year and a half to make a dozen waffles. I'm pretty sure my time is accurate.
I sit down to my waffle breakfast. I'm pretty happy that I didn't have to cook. I'm pretty happy that I got waffles instead of the floppy disks of mushy evilness that we usually have on Sunday mornings. Life is good.
I take my first bite. I'm not dead. That's good. YEAH.
I take my second bite and bite onto something that is kinda chewy. Hard... but chewy.
My first instinct was to get it out, naturally. I figured is was an egg shell or maybe a piece of plastic from the pancake mix... but chewy doesn't really apply to egg shell or bag.
So I pick it out of my mouth, and look at it.
All I could say was "THAT DID NOT JUST HAPPEN." I kept repeating it like some freak of nature. He is giving me that look that he gives me when I make fun of his cooking.
I set it down on the table so he could see why I was having a spaz attack.
A fingernail clipping.
A FUCKIN FINGERNAIL clipping.
And it didn't belong to anyone in our house.
It was ORANGE. And young adult size.
I had a moment. I nearly vomited. I had visions of the whole finger lying in wait in the remainder of my waffle.
Thank you God. You have now ruined waffles for me too. You have a sick sense of humor.
